Fyrdundel's Parlour

Piscean Dream Period 2011

2011-03-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

February 20^th-March 20^th

Violet Potion

1 part violet syrup + 1 part violet tincture + 1 part violet flower essence

Violet says,

be electric

let the filament of your soul quiver

be still with luminosity

glow

there is a dark, cavernous space within you

a hidden cathedral built in honor of your strangeness

the genius of your individuated self

with your child-like trust intact once again

remember that you are at the center of the heart

of the universe

and all that that implies about connectivity

we overlap

you feel the distinction of your unique self

without bothering to fear loneliness

without shame or pride you are brilliant

and glowing, shyness is no longer necessary

all that you are, a gift, that you give away endlessly

best for best

all your strange, weird ways ripen into what is most authentic,

wild and beloved

about you

Violet recharges both the magnetic and electric energies of the internal landscape making it a clearer, more distinct map to follow. Emotions, daydreams and intuition become powerful allies. New ideas and knowing about the course of action that would be most in alignment with our greatest potential emerge into our awareness.

Violet gives steady, committed vitality to the internal beacons. We remember.

It eases the heart’s despair over the human condition, transforming suffering over regret and loss into deeper understanding. Grief becomes a wise friend who reminds us of what we truly value and that nothing is lost to us forever.

Violet initiates merging with our highest potential and the greatest mysteries of our being without fear. Violet creates a generosity of the heart that dismisses all shyness from blocking our evolution. With Violet we can feel both our individuated self and our connection to all that is.

Violet helps u to feel the way in which the world is an easy place to exist. It returns us to our unique and natural cycles of contraction and expansion, encouraging us in experiencing each one with the knowledge of what action is right in the current moment to support ourselves and our dreams.

Violet brings both a softness and a brilliance to our energy and reconnects us to the wild and natural order of the world we live in.

healing space 2

2009-09-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

healing space

the laws of physics do not differentiate between moments of time. this is what allows the finite and mutable quality of energy to in so many different ways. energy is the original shapeshifter. all objects, sentient beings and organisms are conceived from the same energy of the universe. we are born from the void, which is not empty, but is the woven and unwoven fiber sof limitless potential. the source is within and connected to all things. it is impossible to ever be isolated from the source. everything belief we hold that pulls us out of alignment with source, we do to ourselves. even if the original wound was our response to someone/something outside of ourselves, we are the ones holding that conditioning in place right now. we become dense as our gravity holds all of the beliefs and conditioning in place. so much energy poured into holding it all together that there is not enough personal power left over to create the joyous life that is our birthright.

let go.

let go of everything; the beliefs, the wounds, the conditioning. we are truly free to befully our authentic selves, right now. nothing needs to happen, this has always been the truth and exists with or without your belief. your attention on this truth is what aligns you to the experience of your free and joyful being.

healing begins with knowing in the mind but happens through feeling. it is when we experiencethe truth that we are transformed. the role of the healer is to create experiences. we can heal ourselves by creating what we need and we can heal each other by offering ourselves as gifts to one another. we return to our senses and to our feelings. our feelings literally vibrate with the original consciousness of the source. our origins are sacred, limitless and whole.

healing space

2009-08-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

Stepping into the healing space is to drop the mask of politeness. To open all of one’s senses and take in the information that is present. We are all truly telling each other what we’re doing all along and showing one another who we really are. See and Listen deeply. Connect to the Source and bring in the awareness of the soul and the heart to bear witness with the ego so that the nuances of the personality are available, but do not act alone to determine the perspective.

We intend and then follow through with action to make the intention true. To manifest intention as reality is to cross over the threshold and enter the unknown and the mystery with one’s senses fully open. Taking in as much as one honestly can each time without criticism or comparison. You are the answer to all of your questions. Put your attention on what you are present with, be it internal or external.

I created a pattern in my consciousness. Mine in particular dealt with a particular kind of tension always being present in my intimate relationships. Either the tension manifested inside the relationship, between myself and the partner—or outside of the relationship as forces between the relationship and the external reality. In either case, the tension pattern forces the collapse of the relationship because it does not have the integrity of being structured from my authenticity. A mechanical pattern lacks the vitality and the guidance of your soul’s desire to be here.

Stop for one moment the feeling of familiarity that is so a part of our humanity. Let the parts become distinct and limitless, while secretly knowing how intimately we are connected. See how nothing in the universe is truly limited or defined and yet we will only ever be ourselves, which is more than we can even wish for. There is so much spaciousness for us to be in and to experience one another through. Make a promise not to compromise yourself ever again. Make a promise not to compromise the potential or reality of a fellow human being again. This builds the integrity of your intention and action. It builds a navigation system by which you can trust your movement through the unknown. The leap of faith becomes the very thing that saves you from falling.

The Hymns

2009-08-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

our open hearts
as beacons
for one another
lighting
each darkened lamp
and urging all
ever towards
our brilliance
let's remember
how its done

don't be afraid
to work real hard
to get your hands dirty
don't be afraid
to get dirty
right down to your soul
don't be afraid
of your inherent goodness
you can dig it up
like a bone in the yard
so dig down deep
and deeper still
you can track that scent
all the way down
to your bone-riddled insides
with your sweaty, map-lined palms
say
i am another
unlocked treasure

under your freckled skin
and the fur of your chest
is the chest of your treasure
and bone-jewelled mountain
that is your crown
hooved and horned, remember
let the peak of you summit
and penetrate the dewey, twilight sky
until we are all covered
in stars and crystals
how we glisten in our becoming
each and every one
being enormous, our hearts are universal
singing harmony with its rightness
unconditionally
i fix myself firmly to myself
an anchor in sensation
and dew that sparkles beneath my white fur
we are wilder than we know
creatures of the dawn and dusk lights
let it be bigger than we once
thought or hoped
and let us remind one another that
this is a good place to be
in our skins, under moonlight
my core is resurrected
in your lantern glow
brought back to center
firmly fixed and lucid
walk across the lake to me
0h! you compassionate ones

the wave of anxiety you feel
is the pulse of the universe
all around you
and moving through you
if you let it rush through
it will wash you clean
of every death
and all of your dying, and
every meaningless
artifact of your living
let them go
let it flow through you
i wait for your return
you wild and natural creatures
i wait for your return
to your precious center
i wait for you to wake
up and remember
i wait for your return
you wild and natural creatures
i welcome you
with open arms
we belong here
all of us
welcome home

synchronicity

2009-08-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

everything wants to be in harmony

synchronicity is the miracle and our saving grace

it mirrors location, position

intention

accept wherever you enter, then energize it

see it honestly, holding your intention in your heart

take action

it is so hard to change because entrainment rules

creating a new belief each time we move closer to the Source

until all belief dissolves into knowing ourselves

unfettered and whole

The Source

2009-08-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

channel the Source

into now

through your heart

into your body

let it spill

i am in my own blind spot

asking others to feel me

because i refuse

and make myself invisible

Rise

raise up your truth

dissolve all betrayals

build your enthusiasm

for being alive

divine yourself as the answer

to all questions

now is like a new sea

that i am coming into

there is nothing to know

save constellations, precision

and synchronicity

feel everything and its perfection

In the Belly of the Wolf

he says, let me in

let me in

but i refused for fear of losing myself

in the belly of the wolf

you are a howling, wild creature

who has lost the pack

you became the fool, allowed yourself to be

captured by them, now caged and pacing

do you hear us howling

to you

through all the darkness and dreams

there are other wild creatures who have come

to call you home

come back to the forest of your birth

the smell of earth and the pulse of your blood

through a heart big enough

to swallow the sky

the mother wolf's belly ripens and splits

be born from the inside

into a world that wants you

and loves you

remember why you came?

Fear and the Antidote

2009-08-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

what does it feel like to be afraid?

the painful contractions of life around my body

being born into yet another vastness

i keep asking her to grow in a straight line

but, much to my dismay, she does not

she goes every which way with all kinds of hesitations

and courtings

she kisses me awake each day

i must be vigilant and watch her

with a lightness and spontaneity

that brings me into the sacred rhythm of union

with the mystery

in the end, my darkness is my very own

it is my shadow whose depth is enriched by my glow

it is the absence of my choices precisely because i have chosen

it is the possibility and potential that i choose from

we are human and we all fall

there is no need to pretend

magic belongs in the heart, where,

as we move through an infinite stillness,

the gift is discovered

i take the time to find it

because, deep down, i care

compassion

2009-07-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

the sooner your compassion begins, the better. no one is ever changed by judgement. no heart was every truly transformed through criticism. they fold in on themselves under such pressures but fortunately they do not, they cannot, lose their integrity. if we only allowed the heart of the child to develop of its own volition. if only we trusted in the inherent goodness of the universe. lean into it and discover what it is made of.
how long do you refine yourself before you let yourself be exposed? how far do you go before you realize you've been exposed and witnessed all along. you have always only been yourself.
it is only through compassion that we can be our authentic selves in relationship to the universe and one another

full moon in scorpio essence

2009-07-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

Created in the high desert and inside of caves during the full moon in scorpio. Helps the individual to penetrate deeply into the nature of being. Brings one's awarness to the original place within them where the magnetic is deeply bonded to the electric energies of their being. This is the core, the place from which our manifestation was conceptualized and initiated. These are the roots of our beings that fasten us firmly into the concrete reality. At the same time anchoring our experience in the limitless and divine substance of the universe. Root and Sacrum. For the individual who pulls themselves inside out to reveal what is within themselves and thus experiences the world in a very raw, and sometimes painful, way. We have a deep and instinctual urge to express what is within us as human beings. This essence supports coming into alignment with our own structural integrity. It charges these grids with energy to penetrate deeply into the nature of the world as well as the nature of our authenticity. Sourced from the soul's unique structure and imprint, it shows the individual how to express what is within them by pulling it forward through their unique structure, a process of translating the soul into the human expression. Two ounce essence is ten dollars.

wild lily essence

2009-07-31T12:46:00.000-07:00

Helps the individual to remember that time in nature restores the senses. Aids in aligning with one's desire and natural rhythm of spirituality in its simplest form. Supports positive self-discipline and devotion to one's path of spiritual harmony. Also supports the immune system in its protective and cleansing function in a gentle balancing way. Brings an openess that allows one to be with their own weakness without judgement. Aids the shy or exhausted soul to transition between the inner and outer world. Gives the individual energy and vision to take on new journeys that energize and activate the unique and natural spirituality of the being's soul. Two ounce essence is ten dollars.

Princess of the Moths

2009-07-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

Someone has to be out there. Riding on the edge of the ever-expanding cosmos. In the lighthouse during both storm and calm. Fixed enough to be real, manifest-not just a dream of conception or a passing thought. Mutable enough to resist the constraints of dogma. Salient and vital enough to feel and hunt its own desires.

Hymn for Humanity

as every moment changes

i am in wholeness with my reality

even when i forget, although forgetting

deprives me of my creative power

pierce through the child’s gaze, honestly

we are all feeling each other

i was suddenly afraid of being affected by other people

thinking i would lose myself

looking back at a past seemingly filled with examples

i feel knocked out of my skin, my center

yes, do not deny…sense the movements within you

as you feel alive.

everything that happens creates an image in me

these are our everyday dreams

the rhythms playing themselves out while we sleep

the looseness of our minds, reinterpreting

the sensations of being alive.

“this is what i see happening”

be transfigured by the sound

become the living musical instrument

let life touch your keys, releasing harmony

into the space all around you

hymn self into being

the depth i crave is within

bring that deep whaleheart sense to the surface

i journey away from shore for a long while

we both know its necessary to follow

such innate and wild rhythms

and if i love you

i will fear losing touch

but if i love you

we can stay connected

The first thing to be done is to remember. The moth is overcome with an insatiable desire to reach its long antennae down the endless tunnel of past like a hand reaching to the back of the library card catalog. The moth puts on the costume of a large wooden card catalog. Golden-colored and rounded on the edges with four strong legs peeking out from underneath the furniture’s below-the-knee skirt. It would not be enough for that moth to be simply trapped inside a library. That would just be the first step in cutting the cord between the moth and its innate desires. No night-blooming flowers to suckle from or pollinate. No horror of bird beak. A darkness in the center that denies starlight or porchlight. There is only a window to a blinking world outside and a sill to die upon.

If I am resilient enough I fly further in, mapping the terrain, finding food in book bindings. If I am very fortunate I may find a mate and reproduce, fulfilling at least one known desire. My diet can adjust, for awhile. If I am more fortunate I escape and take on the mantle of both the risks and potentials of being alive. I cannot help but feel the tension between those possibilities.

But we have not gone far enough yet. The moth trapped, forcing survival, yearning to live in world that makes it feel alive. Imagine the spirit of the moth. Its quick flittering and attraction towards light. They sense the beacons that lead in all directions, to all places and possibilities. Imagine a desire like that, a spirit like that, trapped in the wooden structure of a card catalog. Not within the papery inner gills of its furniture body. The moth soul trapped within the grainy, fibrous structure of the wood itself. A stillness unlike any the moth has ever known falls over his awareness. There is a rigid, unyielding quality to the stillness. For a soul like that there would be no firmer paralysis.

It is our own bodies we must inhabit, animate and evolve.

Is there any force in the universe that will completely destroy the will and desire of the moth for all that was truly theirs to inherit from the world? The fullness of the world gone from its grasp, the moth soul slowly loses memory of starlight, lanterns and porchlights. It forgets the scent of its lover and the flavor of pollen. It submerges itself with the collective unconscious; objectified and claimed to be something other than authentic and wild.

In the backyard of a house not so very far away from the library, an eight year old girl in a pointy lavender princess hat picks up a branch once familiar to the moth. From her roots in the collective unconscious she feels an urge to become attached to this new wand. Its shape suits her. A slightly bowed straight line with a tip that crooked just a little in the other direction. It seemed to move in two directions at once and became her favorite very quickly. Even accompanying her on outings to the grocery store, the park and the library.

Come inside. Sometimes all the world seems to be urging and directing us in a particular direction. If she senses it and follows it, she acts upon and potentizes her ability to be a free-willed being in alignment with the universe. If she hasn’t already become numb, deaf, impotent. Depending on the kind of world she believes in.

The stick arrives on a newly warm spring day in the hand of this girl who will soon and surprisingly become Princess of the Moths and much more. She possesses a sort of courage and ethics toward the world that defies all that is inauthentic.

With her empty right hand, she opens the drawer she feels most drawn to. She feels it in her stomach. She pulls the drawer out as far as it reaches places her stick perpendicular to the row of library cards, closes her eyes, makes a wish and reaches toward the tunnel of card-gills. One of them is the answer to her wish. Her wish is a call echoing into the unknown and this is her answer,

someone named Banner wrote a book called “In full flower”, 305.3

which sounded like a very optimistic reply to her curiosity around finding her prince. She was sure it had many meanings that might prove useful later and committed it to memory. Little did she know the answer was more for the moth soul than anyone else. Sensing the moths slow retreat into stillness the universe conspired to use the card catalog itself as the tool that would release the moth from itself. Each fiber of the wooden encasement embodied that moth’s deepest desire and responded with resonance to the magical words spoken by the girl with the branch of the moth’s infancy.

I began here. These were the first textures and smells I knew. I was welcomed and belonged. A wave of memory flows over me in the color of leaves, the smell of night air and the twinkling of stars. And then she says it, just loud enough, to herself, “Banner in full flower” and something stirs in me. My lucidity pierces a long hollow dream in which my life was meaningless.

I am the moth. I remember my wings and feathery antennae. I remember how my body moves and what sensations flow over my moth body. I return to my innate senses.

After studying the card for just long enough to be satisfied that she hadn’t missed any hidden meanings, she returned it to place just to find a moth escaping from the dark cave of unseen library cards.

We free one another by being ourselves.

The moth was taken as another good sign about the title of the card drawn today. Little did she know that another card answered more precisely her wish. Its letters embossed into its thin, yellowed skin, that card vibrated with the sound of each word. Each word would be real magic. Meaning they would transform, align, free, guide, love and serve her. The potential in that unchosen card, dropped out of that card as she slid the drawer shut. It ran down through the catalog’s wooden amber legs through the carpeted concrete of what must exist back into the realm of what might exist. The potential remembers the path to that card and knows that it is but one part of a much larger whole.

Track of the mystic by Kappes

She wouldn’t have known what a mystic was anyway or how to track one but it would have been the most accurate title of the adventure her life was to be. She wouldn’t be able to help herself any more than the moth. When the time came and the words were spoken, she would fly free of all that limited her potential, self-imposed and otherwise, becoming wild and authentic again.

Someone stands on the ledge and looks over, wondering. Someone reminds you of your heart or invents a new way to love.

On its joyful flight from the library card catalog, the moth beheld the girl. Took in the light and shadow of her form, the color of her skin, her salty smell. Without any preconception or attachment and, for one brief moment, the moth witnessed the girl and that single snapshot was sent back to the heart of the universe from which she would recover herself in time. There is nothing in the world quite as exquisite as truly seeing or being seen.

the great sadness

2009-07-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

the great sadness

when i look at you and think that i see the great sadness in your eyes

and if, then, i twist that awareness in all different directions

so that i am judging you or trying to fix you or suppress you

then i really have no idea who you are

at all

of course there is the great sadness in your eyes

it is in mine too

all of us

betrayed by ourselves and one another

and how can we help it when we are not even loyal and true to ourselves

and there is also the sadness of loss

exhalation

but if i can be with you and myself in a real way

if i can let us both have our sadnesses

i can let us both have our joy

there was hesitation and it was real. but i didn’t want to feel hesitation. it makes me feel weak, scared and blocked. i tell myself i hesitate because i’m scared so then i pummel through just to prove that i’m not, whether it’s the truly right thing for me to do or not. or i hesitate, but unwillingly, shaming myself the entire time. i tell myself i hesitate because i am blocked, because something is still wrong with me that i cannot trust.

my hesitation is real. that moment where i felt disconnected during lovemaking was real. i don’t want to admit that because i tell myself that it is proof that i am not capable of being passionate and loving. it did not occur to me that my hesitant connection was an honest expression of my desire. i did not think that maybe i did not want to make love right now or maybe not with this person because that made me a liar and a frigid lover. worse was the idea that maybe i didn’t know myself well enough to not get myself into a situation where i experience a perception of lack of intuitive sense. the message is clear, i cannot trust myself.

but the hesitation persists. what if i trust it? what if its right? not in a moral/ethical sense but that i might just be something coming from inside of me and exposing itself on the surface. i will only know by being with it.

i can feel the heat of you

the fur of your chest

there is nothing like the lover’s kiss

or the excitement of skin touching skin

i want to stay here, split open

and caress soul to soul as well as with our bodies

and our hearts

i try to entice you into the other world with my body

to seduce you into sharing your heart and soul with me

but

if you wanted to, if you were ready, if you knew how

then you would, and more importantnly

if i wanted to, if i was ready, if i knew how

i would and there would be no doubts

then what i must do is turn my attention inwards

listen

create space inside myself for all of me

all of me

the parts i want to hide and the parts i want to be validated for

and i must listen deeply

and attentively

solar eclipse in my chest

2009-07-23T16:29:00.000-07:00

There is something about intimacy that makes me feel infinity. I become timeless and limitless. My potential emerges from the hidden cave and renders harmless every limitation. So, what if I learned to do that for myself, alone? What if I became so deeply intimate with myself that I could touch the Source of all through my own senses? What if the Source was at the center of my own being and my heart spread open to the edges of the universe? It is not just poetry to say these thing - they are potent transformers when we feel and resonate with their deeper meaning. And what if we loved each other like this?
To be truly intimate means we are able to truly see each other and express ourselves authentically. Begin here by being totally authentic with yourself. Initiate a courtship with your own true being, sharing yourself honestly and tenderly with yourself....all that you are, without judgement or shame, without stories to defend or explain.
You are the Source. There is no escaping our divinity or connection.